Should holiday weekends be feared or cause you anxiety?

Memorial Day Weekend is:

A glorious three day weekend away from work. Friday afternoon can't come soon enough and it is always over sooner than anyone would like. 

This holiday weekend found me in southern Minnesota at my sister's glorious new home! It was a weekend packed full of hanging out! Those are always the best vacations! You don't have to go anywhere, you don't have an agenda, you just hang out and play cards, rock band Beatles, and Geocaching! It was just what I needed. 

But when vacations come along so does vacation food! I was looking forward to taking a break from my daily grind and just enjoy everything sitting around on the counter and not feel guilty! The food was delicious! But it was food I wasn't used to and it got me thinking...when we take vacations to what extent do we leave our lives back home? 

We physically leave our houses, and our pets, our daily routine, but do we NEED to leave everything? We bring ourselves with, and our likes and dislikes so can't we bring some semblance of our lives? Eating right and exercising is becoming more and more important to me and I want to find a way to take some of that with me! That is what my new goal is. I want to try and figure out how to take some of our life with us. I want to be able to not give up on my diet for days (although I enjoyed every minute of it), and to try and exercise. But the balance is still trying to remember that I am on vacation and that it is okay to take a break! I think I will be working on this for awhile! 

Sorry for the break in posts! I am trying to keep up on it!

Exciting NEWS!

So this is going to be a small post today, but I am so excited I could pee!

Yesterday at the gym I increased my weight all around for my arms and it felt wonderful. It was this feeling of bliss as I picked a bigger weight. I can feel a difference in my body, and my muscles! I don't feel like you can see a difference but that will come with time! I am in NO hurry because I don't want to burn myself out!

I am so excited! I hope others get this feeling when they increase their weight as well!

Distractions, busy schedule, work, children...blah blah blah! COMMIT

I was coming home from the gym today and was talking to Mr. Man about commitment. There are many people that talk about how much they want to be fit and healthy, but that is all they do, they talk. I want to help every way I can, but when it comes to showing up it's on their own shoulders. I only want the best for people, but what I realized was that I once was someone like that, and I never saw it. I lost so much time not committing to it. I was interested in it. I read articles and tried some workouts out, but never made it a priority.

I feel like I lost so much time pretending to work out and live a healthy lifestyle. Not realizing that I wasn't making a priority was harder than just not doing anything. My rationalization at that time was high. I would rationalize every eating choice because I was working out, and every work out was great (yeah right!). I would think that I was working my butt off and would never look like the cute fit girl standing next to me. I was completely lost, and it took years for me to figure it out! But that time was lost and all I can do is pay attention to my eating and working out now, and be committed.

Now don't get me wrong I remember (not too long ago) that I let anything and everything come in between and working out. If someone called and wanted to hang out I would jump all over it. I would even go out of my way to find something to do besides working out. When Mr. Man wanted to workout on weekends I would rationalize that weekends are a break from real life, so I would never go. 

That person isn't me anymore! I make working out a priority before hanging out with friends. If it is someone I haven't seen in awhile then I try and do something active with them. I want to go walking, rollerblading, biking. 

I am feeling like my life is changing and hopefully its only for the good.

She doesn't have gross muscle does she?

I was on the phone today with a friend and I was looking at a picture of this girl squatting 200+ lbs! I was amazed. In awe I started to tell her about the picture I was looking at and all that came our of her mouth was: "eeeww she must have gross muscle!"

I couldn't help but be baffled at this. There I was in awe of the power of this girl, and my friend couldn't help but be disgusted! (Don't worry she later read the article and does NOT think the girls muscles are gross! Mission accomplished!)

I was reading an article earlier that morning describing the difference between fats. It was very interesting because they talked about an athlete and a model. They may have the same amount of body fat but their bodies are completely different.

http://www.crossfitsouthbay.com/2011/05/skinny-fat/

I think everyone should read this article. I wanted to talk today about losing weight and specifically my goals. Yes I do want to be skinnier, and fit into smaller cloths but I DO NOT want to be bone thin. I want to be healthy. I want muscle definition and I wouldn't mind a flat stomach. I want to be able to push a tire over multiple times, and to squat 200+ lbs. I think being strong is beautiful. I think bone skinny is gross. I want to challenge Mr. Man to a arm wrestling contest and win! I want a rock hard ass!

Being fit and strong is so important to me because when I do have kids I want to be able to keep up with them, and to sometimes out last their energy!

So Kate Moss can say "Nothing tastes as good as Skinny feels" well lets ask if hugging you feels like hugging a rock since all your bones are poking through! Keep your skinny and give me strong!

Now don't mind her crazy phase, remember her from her Toxic days when she was not a girl, but not yet a woman! This is more realistic to me! These pictures are more motivating to me than Kate Moss. So give me eewy muscles! But just between you and me? I don't think she has eewy muscles!

Honesty is always better.

Macy mentioned that we have severely been lacking in working out! 

I wish that I could argue with her, and show her proof of how well we are doing, but unfortunately I can not. Working out has not been going on! It is the sad truth.

Honesty sometimes feels like a slap in the face. It hurts more than looking in the mirror or seeing the picture that makes you cry. But staring me straight in the face is Macy and her stupid, honest observation!

So I would be lying if I told you that the lack of posts was due to all my new working out adventures when in reality I was sitting on a bar stool enjoying my happy hour!

My excuse and rationalization for working out less was that I was going to ease back into working out. Since I hadn't worked out in over a week and a half, and since working out was a new habit that I was working on developing I told myself that I was going to ease into it. Maybe workout on Monday and Tuesday at class, take Wednesday off, workout Thursday and then have the weekend off. Well, that did NOT work! I would start off good, but then only make it to Tuesday! But I was easing into it right?

Well it has officially been over 2 weeks and I feel horrible. I have barely worked out, and my body and attitude can tell. It is hard for me to get up in the morning, I am sluggish, I don't care if we do anything active, and all I can think about is when can I take a nap!

This is not how I was when I was active. This is how I felt when I was in high school. I dreaded working out, and doing active things because I didn't want anyone to know how out of shape I really was. Don't even mention a boat or summer around me! I am dreading this summer and Mr. Man's favorite holiday! I love going, and love all the people, but I am so self conscious about myself that I don't feel that I totally let go and just be me. I am afraid that I am missing out on life because of this. I don't want to anymore.

So I have printed this picture and taped it to my mirror to remind myself that its baby steps and its day by day!

Dang you weather!

It seems to be that spring is finally here! After April snowstorms and freezing rain in May spring has finally made an appearance. I am very excited about this! However, it seems to deter me away from the gym!

I mean who wants to be couped up in a BO smelling gym when you could be gloriously walking around outside.

So this is my dilemma: do I go to the gym where I know I can get an effective arm workout in OR do I take a walk with a friend outside? I mean both are active and both are not sitting on the couch, however today is TUESDAY. Meaning today I am to do arms before spinning class! How can I get an effective arm workout in when I want to be outside and I don't own any free weights myself?

So my motivation is still high to get to my gym, to workout, to stay active, but do people lose some of their workout in the summer because of the amazing weather? Is there a way around this? UGH

And on another note..I am lost because spinning is over after next week! Due to summer they are condensing the 5:30 nightly spinning to one night a week, maybe! MAYBE! Are you kidding me! I have already gone through the pain of losing feeling in my butt now they are asking me to take 3 months off and to go through it again in the fall? NOT OKAY!

This made me smile! If this doesn't motivate you I don't know what will!

Just picture yourself running away on the treadmill and sweat is just pouring off of you. All of a sudden you get a smirk on your face because this saying pops into your head. I don't know about you but this will make me run faster and bully that fat right off of my body!

Now I want to make my fat cry everyday!

This is a great way to visualize fat coming off and it also helps if you think sweating is gross and can't stand it! Well if its your fat crying? Do you think you can stand it now?!

First week back!



I am back to "normal" life. I have started my routine again and am back to my regular workouts. But something in me has changed since my fathers death and that is the effort I put into my workout.

Yes, I showed up everyday and I would  sweat everyday but was I truly trying my hardest? If I had been trying my hardest since day one of trying to lose weight when I was 12 years old I wouldn't be writing this blog. But here I am.

My concentration levels are higher than ever for my workouts because I want to be fit and strong. I want to be the person I told my dad I was becoming. I am no longer doing this for just me. I need to do this for my family so that I can stay around a little longer.

I have only worked out Mon and Tues, but currently those two workouts I tried so hard that I can barely walk up the stairs to my apartment. But I am okay with that. And this picture just allows me to see that I don't have to be perfect and the only person to measure myself against is me. As long as I am trying my hardest in every aspect then I can't do any better.

I may never win a race, or bench press the most in the gym, but those aren't my goals. My goals are only for me and set against myself. I have to keep remembering that and not looking at what is going on around me. I can't keep trying to compete with others at the gym. I do that; I challenge myself by setting goals trying to beat others around me and that isn't trying my hardest it is trying their hardest. I need to focus just on myself and my current workout for that day. Because if I let my mind wonder, and my imagination roam I am no longer trying my hardest I am just doing the actions.

My fitness and food deserve 100% of my attention and I have to remember that the reason I am in the situation I am in is because I never held them to a priority. I would let my mind wonder!

This week I am trying harder, next week it will be even harder.

Time never stops....but can we?

I was listening to a movie while at work today and this quote hit me hard:

"You can't stop being who you are because your afraid"

This is what I have to think about. It was a hard week to get through last week, and my life has changed. Every holiday, home phone call, future memory has forever been changed. It was a HUGE wake up call, and I have spent a lot of time these past couple of weeks soul searching. Pondering what in life is important, and how can I live everyday to the max. But I realized that as long as I make decisions that make me happy then I am living each day to the max. Life may be short, and you may have a bucket list, but life is made up of every days. Yes, vacations are nice, and babies, weddings, graduations are always something to look forward to, but when living it is your everyday routine that makes up who you are.

I am afraid that my life won't be enough, that I will always have goals, vacations, dreams that I will never realize, but I can't stop and change my everyday life because I am afraid of all that I have not yet accomplished. So I am going to focus on the goals in front of me. I am going to focus on living this healthy lifestyle so that maybe I can elongate my life. Maybe I can live a fuller life just by paying attention to the little things.

Being afraid won't help me with my marriage, or help me raise my babies. Life will happen and accidents and tragedies come with that. I can't be afraid of those things because then I won't be living any longer. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Taking chances on things that can and may cause you heartache is a way of creating who you are.

I am getting more and more into Yoga and I am reading great book: Living Yoga by Chrisy Turlington. She also has lost her dad and what got her through it is paying more attention to her breath. I think this a good step. I am going to start meditating and talking to God. Hopefully this can help find a more peaceful mindset. I hope it helps me live my everyday no matter how mundane someone else might think it is. Let others think your life is mundane, that's what they need to do to make themselves feel better about themselves. If you are happy and if you are continuing to make decisions that make you happy than I am okay with that!

My routine starts again today! I am jumping back on the wagon! Thank you all for your patience with my hiatus!