Its just a four letter word...right?

I was all set on writing this last night but instead decided to have a cuddle session 2011 style with Mr. Man!

F.E.A.R.

It is physically a four letter word, but this four letter word has be paralyzed with anxiety. I was talking about this with a friend yesterday. So here are some questions, thoughts that I have regarding food, working out, and weight loss.

What happens when all the weight is gone?

Will I still love myself?

Will other people love me more?

Will it be easier to make friends? Are these friends going to be more superficial than the friends I made when I was fat? I mean at least they didn't become friends with me because of my physical features.

What if losing weight isn't the answer?

Am I really doing this for myself?

What if I don't like the end result?

Will my personality change too?

Am I losing weight because I want to be pretty or to be healthy?

What if I fail? I wrote this blog to help me and I don't want to tell everyone that I didn't make it!

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER I LOSE THE WEIGHT?

Fear is a main emotion that I feel about this whole weight issue. I am not a perfect person, far from it. But I just want to make sure that I am not looking for losing weight to make all my problems go away, and sometimes I think I do. I am working on other things in my life, on relationships, communications, etc. But weight has always been a front and center issue on my mind for 12 plus years. So I am afraid that when I reach my goal that I won't have anymore goals any my life will essentially be "done." So sometimes I think that I am holding onto my weight in order to always have something to work towards...to know that I have a goal and that I can work towards it. I feel that my weight is my shield in life. Its protecting me from feeling empty, and from others in the world. I never really expose myself 100%, I hide behind it. So what happens to the soldier when someone steals his shield? 

v\http://www.flickr.com/photos/linzie/1553898807/sizes/s/in/photostream/