Is timing everything?

We wait and plan everything.

Wait to get married until we are done with school, wait to have kids until we buy a house, wait...wait...wait...

So the question is: Is there such a thing as perfect timing?

I think the answer is NO. There is no perfect time for anything because we can always think of something else we want to do before we have kids (Ireland?) or buy a house (get a better job). But the reality is that we may never be 100% okay at the time things happen, but we learn to adapt and to go with the "plan."

Mr. Man had asked me what is different about now? You have wanted/complained/pointed these flaws you see for years. You have tried before, even signed up for a program, but you didn't give it your 100%. I want to see you succeed and I want you to be happy, and I want you to see yourself for how beautiful you are to me. But what is it this time? Where is your motivation coming from?

That's a GREAT question. A question I have been trying to answer for awhile now. Why do I seem to have a motivation for this when I lacked it in the past?

Is it because of my wedding? Yes! But I could also say that my sister just got married last August and I wanted desperately to lose weight for that. I saw the pics, believe me I NEEDED to lose weight for that wedding.

Is it because I don't want to be the biggest friend in my circle of friends anymore? Yes! But even that couldn't get me in the gym before.

Is it because I want to make my parents proud? Yes! But again I have felt the same way for YEARS, so why THIS time? I did realized that my weight has nothing to do with how proud they are to me. But that was an internal struggle that I had to realize. I thought they saw me how I saw me. And that is never right. Parents always see you better than you see youself!

I searched for the answer for weeks now, I searched on the top shelf, in the attic and even in the basement. I couldn't find something that sufficed. Then it came to me. It was simple it was easy.

I am TIRED. I am tired of feeling this way, and I am ready to move on. I am finally doing this for myself. I could argue that every time before was for superficial things, and I dieted, and went to the gym. I mean I am on my 3rd gym membership in 3 years!

But I realized that I couldn't jump on the elliptical for 30 min and still eat what I am eating now. I signed up for a diet/fitness plan at one of the gyms and my sister helped through it, but I was not ready. I still wanted to hold onto the weight.

It think I found comfort in the fact that Mr. fell in love with me when I felt the worse about myself. Finding comfort in that really makes me sad. It doesn't give him credit for every thing he has done for me.

So here I am. Going to the gym because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel good about myself, it makes me have hope for the future.

So the timing may not be right, I can't argue why it is now vs. other times. But now I feel that I am doing this for no one but myself. I am doing it so I love myself and can be proud of myself. Plan and simple. Its that easy. I won't be my dream weight by my wedding, and that's okay with me, but I am going to continue to fight to get where I want to be and that IS good enough for me.

To come: Why gym #3 is the magic gym!